


His Becoming

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Conflicted Kylo Ren, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Knights of the Old Republic vibes, Kylo Ren Redemption, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Han Solo/Qi’ra, Poe Dameron’s Underrated Compassion, by a third party this time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23071891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: In which Kylo makes a different choice on the Finalizer.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24
Collections: The Kylo|Ben x Poe Fanworks Exchange 2020





	His Becoming

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ginger_puff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginger_puff/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For the following prompt, for Ginger_Puff:
> 
> “What would happen if, swayed by their past history/ relationship, Kylo Ren is the one who breaks Poe out of the Finalizer? With or without Finn.
> 
> Nothing explicit please.”
> 
> Let’s say that this was one of the prompts I just fell in love with. I hope you like my take on it!

Kylo Ren’s quarters were quiet, but he swore that inside his mind, the conflict was practically a cacophony of sounds, the conflict that left him never able to find peace. It would be easier if he simply felt nothing, was nothing. Cold durasteel. But Ben Solo was never that, and Kylo Ren could not be that either.

And then there was Poe.

He swore that he heard the sounds of them trying to get information out of Poe through the Force as well as down the hall. Electric shocks, Poe shouting insults and demands to know where Ben was. 

Ben. 

It was a name that Kylo had hated when he was young. His mother said that he was named after one of the bravest men she knew, but it was bizarre, being named after a man that he had never met. Would it have been different, he thought, if he had been named Anakin? After his grandfather. A man who was everything that Kylo could never even hope to be. A man who was strong, confident, cool...who probably was everything that Kylo could never even hope to be. 

And hearing it from Poe’s lips...it shouldn’t have felt like a sort of salvation, a sort of hope, but it did. 

It shouldn’t have. It did anyway. 

_You think Dameron would still want you, love you, after what you’ve done?_ An old memory of Snoke’s voice, a disdainful rumble, seemed to worm its way in. _He would never want someone so pathetic, so self-pitying yet willing to destroy all in his path..._

And yet, Snoke was wrong. Somehow, the Supreme Leader wasn’t as wise as Kylo thought. Because Poe had come back for him. 

Him, of all people. 

Was there hope? Was there hope for someone who had done so many terrible things, things that even Poe probably didn’t know? Someone who, reaching for peace in the Force, found it so out of reach?

He had to know. He got up, headed towards Poe’s chamber, where he could very well get the truth.

***

“I’m not telling you anything.” Of course Poe wouldn’t beg for mercy. Not his pilot god. Not the angel that seemed always out of reach. Not even in the darkness of the chamber. 

”I know. It’s hard not to hear your defiance,” Kylo said. “Through the Force, down the hall.” _Or for that matter, admire it._

”So you’re here to finish the job?” Poe said. 

”I’m here to get answers. Why are you searching for a man that’s long dead? Who deserves to be dead?”

Poe glared at him. “You don’t know anything about him,” he said. “How good he was. How funny. Brave. Kind. How even when there were monsters in his head, he got back up nonetheless and dealt with them. I knew him better than you did. I...” And here, Poe trailed off, almost like he knew full well that he just said too much to this being he thought was a masked beast. 

”Did you love him?”

”I did,” Poe said, after a while. “And still do. It’s something that you’ll never feel, Ren — for anyone.”

There was something in that very declaration that was enough for Kylo to feel himself fumbling for his helmet, removing it. It wasn’t a dignified removal; he no doubt looked like a slightly disheveled, terrified mess. And yet the look Poe had — it was like he had been looking for this very man the whole time. 

”Ben?” Poe sounded taken aback — maybe a little guilty in regards to his accusation that Ren didn’t feel love for anyone. He was wrong. Kylo did love; it was only that such things needed to be hidden deep.

”I was,” Kylo said. “You don’t know what happened to me.”

”You’re here.” Poe didn’t understand the whole metaphor of losing yourself, your identity, when you fell. In his eyes, somehow, Ben and Kylo were the same. 

”I changed,” Kylo said. “You don’t know what I’ve done. What I need to do.”

”You killed Lor San Tekka.”

”I know.” He hadn’t even hated Tekka; he had mostly been angry, and wanting to stop the pain. It had been easier to lash out at Tekka than the people actually responsible for his situation — including himself. 

”And those people, on Tuanul...I know you, Ben. I know full well you wouldn’t just kill innocents...”

”The Supreme Leader told me they were complicit with terrorists.”

”This is the same Snoke? The same Snoke that’s behind everything the First Order’s done?” 

Snoke wasn’t wrong, was he? He couldn’t be. He’d taken Kylo in when he had nowhere to go, gave him a purpose. Even if there were...things Kylo couldn’t endorse. Starkiller Base, for example. 

”You know it’s true, don’t you?” Poe said softly. 

”I...do not know.” How did he tell Poe, his prisoner, that he was uncertain and unclear, more than a man in his late twenties working for the Dark Side should be. 

”Hey.” Poe’s voice was gentle. "It’s okay, Ben.” Kylo didn’t know whether or not he believed it, but it sounded nice, he supposed. 

”It isn’t. In a way...I am alone.” Kylo found that Poe deserved to know, even being his prisoner. “I thought I’d find a sense of purpose joining the First Order. I was wrong.”

”Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way,” Poe said. “I found a purpose, Ben. After spice-running. You can too.”

”How?” Kylo said. “You don’t know what I’ve done...”

”You remember Qi’ra? How your father,” and here Kylo flinched a bit, “Still loved her after what she’d done?”

”It didn’t save her.”

”But you’re my Qi’ra, Ben. You always have been. There’s nothing that would give me more happiness, more peace, than you.”

Kylo nodded. “And I feel the same. It’s only that...” He swallowed. “How can love save me, Poe? How can it save me from...who and what I am?”

”I love all of you. Every part.”

He was going to come apart. Kylo knew it. Knew it and was afraid — and yet he also wanted to come apart, if it meant —

He gestured towards the cuffs with the Force. Undid them. Poe lay there a while, clearly dazed, before sitting up, rubbing his wrists, and getting off the rack. 

”You helped me,” Poe said in wonder. 

”I did,” Kylo said. “I had to — ”

Poe ran to him. Ran to him, and hugged him. They didn’t have time to linger. Kylo knew that much. They had to hurry. Kylo could only suppose that they had plenty of time to catch up later, and pretend that times were kinder. 

***

No one really questioned Kylo Ren, back in his mask to avoid suspicion, escorting Poe to the hangar. (Poe had joked that there was some sort of innuendo in there somewhere. He was impossible, and Kylo loved him) The shuttle — Kylo’s shuttle — was here. Now Kylo had to make his move. His decision. 

”Is there still a place for me,” Kylo said, and even with his menacing, muffled voice, he no doubt sounded vulnerable. “In your future?”

”Always,” Poe said. 

He couldn’t refuse. He had to. And yet, in Poe’s eyes, he saw hope. In Poe’s eyes, he saw a future. Their future. 

Kylo stepped onto the shuttle with Poe. Even going up to the cockpit, where Poe was going on about needing to go back to Jakku for BB-8, Kylo knew that he was, simply, finally, where he belonged. 


End file.
